Rear view mirror.

I'm in a car packed with all of my lessons

learned and sentimental memories,

and I'm told that its time to leave.

But I'm not ready yet.

In the glove compartment are all of

my unanswered questions and a few regrets.

Still, I'm told I have to go.

Lock those away and forget them, I'm told.

Painfully I accept, and I lock the glove compartment.

Can't I have just one last hug?

How come I have to go so soon?

I'm told that it'll be better this way.

The door is closed without that hug.

I'm told to leave, but I don't want to lose sight.

I look back in the rear view mirror

hoping for a wave goodbye.

Instead, it turns out that I'm not the one leaving first.

I watch you walk away and turn the corner out of sight.

I sit for awhile hoping that its not really time yet.

But nothing ever changes.

I'm forgotten now.

So I guess its time for me to try to forget.

I tear off the rear view mirrors and begin to drive away.

I drive slow at first, but then my anger overcomes me and I speed up.

I roll down

the windows

and open the

glove compartment

to let my unanswered

questions fly away.

I just go on forever.

I can't see behind me anymore but I can still remember.

I'll never forget.

I'll never know that

you didn't leave completely.

You were hiding

behind the corner,

out of sight.

You'll never know that

there is still one unanswered

question that wouldn't fly away.

Why did you make me go?

Maybe someday you'll get in your car and try to catch up with me.

Two Years...

I miss a missionary.

He's only been out for three and a half months.

I'm so proud of him, and the work he's doing.

I know this is selfish of me, but I just wanna see him again now.

[Then I would send him back.]

But it doesn't work that way.

Not Suitable For Children.

Just when I thought my subconscious couldn't get any weirder, I had another dream.

I was a man. And I was an adult. And I had a son. But thats not really important.

My family was at a reunion on my mom's side. We were in a cabin on a cliff, and it was dangerous to go out back because there was no fence stopping you from sliding off to your death. My cousins Aaron and Adam were telling my sister about how theres this road a little way away from the cabin that is famous for being the most dangerous road to drive down. This road has a beginning and an end. At the beginning there is a parking lot and you can't see the road because it is over the cliff. There are trees all around it and the road is just over the edge. Its so steep that even if you press on your breaks the whole time you'll still go really fast down the road. No one drives up it because that would be impossible. The trees all around it have branches poking out that you have to dodge. People win awards for making it through the road alive. But most people don't make it. At the end of the road is another cliff that you fall off of and land in a huge lake. Before you land in the lake you're supposed to get out of the car so that you don't hit the water in the car because then you die. Because of this, people drive down the road without their seat belts on to make for an easy exit when you get to the end. Even this part is dangerous too because if you land in the wrong place you'll die in the rocks. My sister decided to drive it. I stayed in the house and waited. A little while later she came inside excited because she did it! She drove down the road, dodged all the branches, and got out of the car during the fall! She was soaking wet from landing in the water.

I decided to drive the road also. I hiked up to the parking lot and got a car that I was going to drive. I came just in time because people were lined up to drive the road and we all decided that we were gonna time ourselves to see who could do it the fastest. I was first to go. I got in my car and went over the edge. I was going so fast that I didn't really have the chance to think about what was happening. Saying that there were a few branches sticking out was an understatement. There were A TON! And they were huge with sharpened tips. I was driving and dodging things and getting closer and closer to making it to the drop off. Suddenly I hit a branch on the left. My car started spinning out of control and I flew out and impaled myself on a branch hanging right out over the drop off. It didn't kill me though and I just stayed there hanging over the the drop off with a branch through my stomach. I heard the next car coming down. Right as he drove off the cliff he jumped out of the car. He had made it and I was gonna lay there and die on this branch. Then I saw the guy down at the bottom climb out of the water and pull out his phone. A few seconds later there was a helicopter with a guy hanging down to get me. He cut off the branch and they brought me to the ER where they saved my life. The rest of the reunion I could hardly move or breathe and my son clung to my side because he thought I had died and didn't want to lose me again.

Rude, Crude, and Socially Unacceptable

So I ticked off a customer yesterday.

Okay let me rewind. I've been taught pretty good manners from my parents and I know that its wrong to be rude to strangers... or people in general really. That being said, I never purposefully say things to offend people. At work I'm actually really good with customers and most of the people I interact with seem to enjoy our conversation. I'm also pretty good when situations become tense or uncomfortable. When that happens its my instinct to make a joke or something in order to make people laugh. Thats how I've always been and how I react. For the most part when I make people laugh during the discomfort, they always appreciate it. But last night I encountered someone who clearly didn't appreciate my humor.

I was getting a to go box/ cup for soup for this woman, and this man came up who was probably in his fifties.

He comes up and really angrily says "Are you guys short of help or something?!"

[First problem, he expects that we already know what the problem is, and instead of asking nicely for something he just gets angry.]

I looked up at him and said "I'm sorry sir, can I get you something?"

He reacted angrily again. "You ran out of napkins!"

[Second problem, he said it as if I knew. Well, sir, if I knew already, then we wouldn't be having this conversation.]

I began to say "I apologize for that I'll be out there in just a sec to fix the problem."

He interrupted me and said "There's also no paper towels in the men's bathroom!"

[Third problem, he wasn't willing to accept my apology, instead, he just interrupted to complain about something else.]

Recognizing a tense situation my instinct kicked in. I smiled and laughingly [and by that I mean more of a giggle rather than a full on laugh] I said "Oh sorry I haven't been in the men's room recently so I didn't know, but I'll make sure we get some!"

He mumbled something while he walked away.

While I was restocking the napkins for this guy, his daughter who was probably in her twenties and just in general had a bad attitude walked right up to me. I turned to her and said "Hi, can I get you something?" [If I was going to complain to someone and they talked to me like that, it would lighten my mood, but apparently she has anger problems... which probably explains why she hangs out with her old parents instead of people her own age.]

She yelled "Please, don't be so rude when you're talking to people!"

I looked up and began to apologize if I had offended anyone when she walked away.

So that's my story. I don't understand people.

Why do people get offended so easily?

Why do people complain about everything?

Why are people so lazy?

Why are people so dirty? I had to clean the dining room for closing, and I swear there was trash everywhere. If I drop a napkin, I pick it up. Apparently when other people drop a napkin they throw more on the ground to keep it company.

Also for the men, why do ya'll pee everywhere? Because I cleaned dining I had to mop up the bathrooms. DON'T MISS THE URINAL!!

Anyway, customers are stupid. I don't mean to offend, but some people are just quick to jump to the conclusion that I'm a terrible person and all I want to do is upset people. If that was true, I would have become a telemarketer.

Stupid.

[R]apid [E]ye [M]ovement

It pleases me greatly to announce that I've had yet another crazy dream to add to my list of subconscious motion pictures.

I was with five of my friends [Macey, Sarah, Haylee, Shandi, and some chick I've never seen before, but I'm positive we were close]. The six of us (who are all in college) were first in line to go see this sixth grade play. My friends were are thrilled, but I quite honestly was embarrassed to be there because I didn't want people I knew to see me in line to hang out with a bunch of elementary school kids. The play was in a cafeteria and the stage along with the area for the seats was blocked off by hedges with one entrance. When we got there the seats hadn't even been set up yet but I saw a bunch of random people I knew in high school setting up for the event. When the chairs were finally set up we sat in the front row. [Only six chairs across]. This event was quite exclusive considering that there were only about 30 seats. NO PARENTS ALLOWED. The stage wasn't really a stage either. There was a long fence built replacing one of the walls of hedges. There was a canopy attached to the fence to keep the actors dry in case of rain [even though we were inside]. The play began. The class of kids walked in and each took their place sitting on the fence. They all began saying there lines and a few of them, I noticed, had real potential as actors. But most of them were too quiet to hear. I don't remember what the play was about, but I remember some of the characters: a married couple, a Mormon girl, and a bunch of random children that all had really really terrible things going on in their lives. And by terrible I mean beaten, emaciated, or just unloved in general. I couldn't understand the plot because I only heard a few lines. Suddenly their teacher yelled out to them all that we couldn't hear them and so they were fired. They all sunk their heads and walked out of the hedged off area. A completely new cast came in to pick up where they left off. Then there was a break in time and I was sitting on the fence watching the play from on stage. In fact I wasn't just watching... I WAS IN IT! At least I think I was because I had lines. Also another thing had changed. We weren't in the cafeteria anymore. The hedged/fenced off area and everything in it was floating high in the sky over Taiwan. We were quickly moving further east. It appeared that we had begun to orbit the earth. The view was gorgeous. There were colors and clouds all around us. WE LITERALLY WERE IN A RAINBOW. My friends who were still there [now consisting of only Shandi, Sarah, and the new girl] and myself decided that this probably wasn't the best place for us to be. We pulled one of the actors in the play off stage and into the corner of the room. This actor was HUGE. He was about six and a half feet tall and extremely fat. We told him that we needed to get back on dry land. He said he might be able to help. Then he laid on his stomach and we all climbed onto his back. He pushed his body with his arms and launched himself [with us on top] right through the hedge and into the sky. We soared for a few minutes then landed in this really soft black sand. The sand was warm on our feet. We dug our toes into it when we realized it was only and inch deep. Underneath the sand was a layer of really soft plastic. The plastic was different colors and the colors were moving. If you pushed some of the sand aside it would flow right back to where it was. We made sand angels and rolled around in it revealing the colors beneath us for only a few seconds before the sand moved back. It was fun, but ultimately we knew we had to get home. Unfortunately the fat child [who was laying and basking in the sun] hadn't brought us to just dry land, he brought us to a completely different planet. He wouldn't take us back to earth so we stayed there and made sand angels hoping that someone would see the colors and come get us.

The end.

I promise I'm not on drugs. I just have really ridiculous thoughts.

Rain rain go away...

Come again when I'm not driving please.

I love you, but I love me too so I don't want to die.

K thanks.

[untitled]

I haven't blogged recently.

And it isn't that I haven't wanted to.

Or that I haven't had anything to write either.

No really I think of some really great things that I'd love to blog about and I open up a page to start writing and I just can't think of the perfect title, or how to start. Then after a few minutes of just sitting and staring at my computer, I realize that I'm kind of tired. So I take a nap instead.

So there is much to say. And since I don't want to take up a lot of space I'll tell everything that I could have possible wanted to blog about in one sentence. I hope that I can capture the AWESOMENESS of all the unfinished/unstarted blogs that I've tried to write in just one sentence!

1. I don't ever take risks, and I'm tired of playing it safe in the game of life, therefore I've decided to stop quitting the things I'm passionate about and to be a theatre education major, and I know that it seems like I change my major all the time, but this is reality now; this is what I want to do!

2. I spend most of my time worrying about money and what how I'm going to set a budget next year because when it comes to finances I'm completely clueless; as of right now I'm still really worried about paying for school.

3. I was hired to work at the testing center at BYU and I'm so excited because that is MY FAVORITE BUILDING ON CAMPUS; people think that its weird that I love it so much.

4. I want to learn Spanish.

5. I donated blood again and I felt incredible afterwards per usual.

6. I love shoes.

7. I wish I kept in touch with people better.

8. Two years is a long time, and to me it feels even longer.

9. There is someone out there, who I can't mention by name, that I REALLY REALLY dislike.

10. I recently had a family reunion with my dad's side of the family and it was such an incredible experience to see my cousins again; we had such a great time.

11. Today I had to go to driver improvement class so that I wouldn't get my license suspended, and even though it was long and boring, it turned out to be great because I met one of the newest Redskins football players and got his autograph for my brother.

Thats pretty much it. Happy summer!