This is what really matters.

I haven't written anything on here in awhile.

But I do have a few things on my mind.

1. When it seems like everything is changing... quit worrying about it. Everything probably is changing. There isn't too much you can do about that. Embrace change.. Ultimately you'll be happier if you do.

2. I'm pretty sure I have the most incredible family. On Monday night, my brothers and I had major bonding time. IT WAS AMAZING per usual. I love that they do goofy things with me... like dance around the living room singing "Last Christmas" and have evil laugh competitions:)

3. On top of that, Braeden has an amazing singing voice. And he's willing to sing for people which is awesome. He sang a song at the ward Christmas party. When my dad finally puts it on Youtube I'll post it so everyone can hear how awesome he is.

4. Lets not forget Garrett. He is such a goob. And he always wants to do new things. He's teaching himself how to play the piano. And he's doing fantastic. Oh and also, he's totally ripped. Thank you year-around swim team.

5. I am probably the most indecisive person when it comes to choosing a future. I've gone back and forth between majors every few weeks since I was in high school. And when I pick a new major I get so excited and I always tell everyone about it. However, finally I have come to a conclusion. This took a lot of research and debate with myself and I've finally figured it out. I PROMISE IT WONT CHANGE!

I'm majoring in Sociology and focusing on the study of crime and juvenile delinquency.

Kind of a big change from acting, yes?

Good thing theatre can be a hobby without being a lifestyle!

Basically.. life is good:)

And I'm happy. That's all that matters!

*Currently listening to "If my Heart was a House" by Owl City

Killer.

I had a BIZARRE dream last night.

typical.

I was ten and I was talking to my biological mother. (She was my biological mother in my dream, but not my real mom.) She told me that she was leaving me, but she had to tell me about a mistake she made first. I just looked at her confused. She explained to me that she had special powers and that she made a mistake. She accidentally put a curse on me. Because of this curse, I can't control my emotions. And not only that, but if I get angry enough I would kill people and I can't stop it. She also told me that I have an extreme amount of strength, but I was cursed to be a killer for the rest of my life. She warned me to try stay in areas where I wouldn't be too bothered so that I wouldn't get angry. She also told me that she made the mistake of cursing me with vampirical tendencies after a kill, but that those tendencies aren't for survival. (In other words, I'm completely human, but after my emotions get the best of me and I kill someone, I will probably want to drink their blood.) Then she said goodbye and that she'd arranged for me to be adopted into a good family. She left.

I was not only really confused by what she had revealed, but pretty upset. As I continued to think about my new circumstances and the fact that my mom left me, I got angrier and angrier. I killed my first person that day. And although my head was saying this is really terrible, micaela, stop, I couldn't help myself. After one kill, I buried the body and moved in with my new family.

Then my dream flashed forward to real time (except I was actually about sixteen). My family (as in my real family that exists with me in real life) and I lived in a small town where everyone knows everyone. After school I worked in a warehouse by a river. I hadn't killed in a few years and my parents had no idea about my curse. However, one day, one of my coworkers (I think his name was Bill) came into the warehouse and started to pick on me. Bill was forty. He was kind of large and would be easy to take down. I tried to fight it. Eventually though, my emotions got the best of me. I jumped onto him and twisted his head off easily. I couldn't leave work to dispose of the body so I climbed up the wall and hid him on top of some boxes above the rafters. Days later, people noticed Bill was missing. People asked me if I knew where he was because I work with him. I lied and said no, but I knew Bill was still above the rafters. Later, I was working and Bill's twin came into the warehouse. He asked if I'd seen Bill. I told him no. He told me that he had a haunch that Bill was hidden somewhere in the warehouse. He said he was leaving to go get a search team to look around. This made me angry because I knew I'd be caught if I let him leave. I told him I'd open the door for him. When I went to the door, I locked it instead. Then I turned around and spitefully told him how his brother died. Thats when I killed him. I hid him up in the rafters next to his brother.

Later I realized it was time to dispose of the bodies. I found these two boxes for huge nerf guns in the warehouse. I took the guns out and put the bodies in. Then I took them all home in my truck. I went into my house and I told my mom that I needed to tell her something. I proceeded to tell her about the curse and what I had done. I told her that I really didn't mean to hurt anybody, but I had no control over myself. She sat in shock for a second, but then she hugged me and told me she would do whatever she had to to protect me and my secret. I brought the bodies inside because she said we'd bury them that night. Then we gathered my family together and told them about my curse. They all promised to protect me. We went outside because we heard a car pulling up. The mayor of our town got out. She asked if I had seen Bill. I said no. Then she asked if the nerf guns in my truck were from the warehouse. I told her they were, but I didn't know where the boxes were. Then she said that she was gonna have to take me in. She said people suspected me of killing Bill and his brother. I was gonna be put on trial and found guilty.

Thats when I ran. I didn't want to kill anymore. I especially didn't want to kill in front of my family. While I ran, the mayor went back to the police station to get people to look for me. My mom called me and told me to hide. She said she'd bury the bodies tonight and that they'd find me and we'd all sneak out together, but for now I needed to hide because the town was closed down and I wouldn't be able to get out.

That scared me. I realized then that I was gonna be caught. I knew I could easily kill the whole town to protect myself, but I knew then my family wouldn't want me anymore which would make me mad. I realized that the outcome of my life was gonna be to kill my family, the only people who cared about me. I cried because I didn't want to do this but I had no choice.

That's when I woke up.

*Currently listening to "Whip my Hair" by Willow Smith

Regina, Regina

start it already!

I love Regina. Enough said. Every time I hear this song I'll start dancing... No questions asked.

I also love this video. And I couldn't NOT put it up.

She's just awesome.

World News

"Ignorance is bliss."

People say that all the time. In fact, I used to be one of those people until I had to do a geography project about a region of the world. Over the past semester I've been reading newspaper articles about the things that are happening in Pakistan. Unfortunately for the people of Pakistan, ignorance isn't bliss. Ignorance could likely get them killed.

I've read so many articles, but here are two that I found important.

Suicide Blasts Strike Tribal Pakistan

Here's a Woman Fighting Terrorism

Both of these articles are informative. The second one I particularly like because it shows some hope during a stressful time in Pakistan. Please read them and break your habit of ignorance the way I had to.

*Currently listening to the whir of my computer.

Not to be a pessimist or anything...

BUT I STINK AT SCHOOL.

I found out today what the set up of my geography final is. It's going to be killer. So obviously I should be studying/attempting to learn what was discussed in class while I was asleep.

But I'm not. Instead I'm blogging/ reading Anna's blog.

That's why I'm bound to fail that test.

Also I haven't paid much attention in my statistics class. The stuff I did pay attention to, I thought I understood, but apparently I don't. Clearly, I should be studying for that.

But I'm not. Instead I'm blogging/ reading Anna's blog.

That's why I'm bound to fail that test.

It really make me mad when I slack in school because I used to work so hard.

Okay, I need to throw some optimism in this post so that I don't pull my hair out.

At least I work harder/am doing better than I did last year.

Thank goodness I don't need to know statistics to be a good actress.

K bye.

*Currently listening to "Carol of The Bells" by Mannheim Steamroller

I'm and Iron Chef

There is only one thing you should know about me.

I CAN'T COOK TO SAVE MY LIFE.

enough said.

But really. Ask my roommate. When we first got out here, I wanted to impress her with my baking skills. So I got a brownie recipe from my mom and attempted to make brownies from scratch.

The key word in this story is attempted.

It was pretty disgusting to say the least. And that's saying a lot considering i'll eat anything.

So now, all I eat is packaged stuff.. (Ramen Noodles). I'm a typical college student... clearly. Today I decided to change it up a bit. Here's the story:

I make a killer red sauce for spaghetti. It's a recipe I stole from my mom (who stole it from her friend). But I didn't want to make red sauce tonight, because I didn't want spaghetti.

I did want pasta though.

I made pasta shells. I needed to think of something to put on them.

So I decided to improvise.

I sauteed mushrooms in olive oil and covered them in salt and Italian seasoning.

After the pasta was done, I coated it in my simple spread.

As you can imagine, the finished product was actually kind of boring.

I came to a few conclusions about what to change.

1. It needs more salt/Italian seasoning.

2. I should sautee onions along with the mushrooms.

3. I should mix up the olive oil/ seasoning before I put everything in the skillet.

4. Perhaps I should put chicken or sausage in the sauce.

5. It needs cheese.

6. Perhaps it could use some other things added to the seasoning blend.

So here's what I've decided. I'm going to perfect the recipe. I'll try different pasta. I'll try baking it. I'll try adding tomatoes. I am going to try all kinds of combinations to make this perfect. I'll keep you posted obviously.

The moral of the story is to try new things. Maybe someday I will be the next Iron Chef!

*Currently listening to "The Sword & The Pen" by Regina Spektor

This is a new level of ridiculous.

The other night I had a dream.

Dwight K Schrute asked me to marry him.

REALLY MICAELA!! THIS IS WHAT YOUR DREAMING ABOUT?!?!

So this is how it happened. Dwight and I were really good friends. We hung out a few times. Then one day while we were hanging out he pulled out a ring and proposed. I was SHOCKED! Obviously, I didn't love him!! But it was seriously the most beautiful ring of my life. I loved the ring so much that I told him I'd think about it at work. While I was at the testing center [which is where I work], my roommate told me that obviously I couldn't marry him because IT'S DWIGHT! I agreed eventually, arguing that the ring was so perfect. I wanted to marry the ring.

Then Dwight came in to take a test. When I handed him the test, I gave him the ring back with it and told him that it was so clear to me that I didn't want to marry him. He was upset because now he was gonna do badly on his test.

Then the next boy came up to get a test and he said

"Did I really just hear you tell Dwight that you wouldn't marry him?"

"Yes."

"Good. Wanna go out this Friday?"

That's when I woke up.