I'm on a boat.

Back in the late eighties and the nineties my mom's side of the family used to have reunions at Lake Powell. We owned a house boat that we'd all pile in and stay for a few weeks. I was still really young when we stopped the reunions, but I still have some fond memories of the good times.

Today I was organizing our movies and I found A TON of video tapes from the family reunions. I found one that said LAKE POWELL 1994. I immediately quit the task ahead of me and ran upstairs. I blew the dust off the tape and popped it into the VHS. The first fifteen minutes was an edited slide show of video from the trip set to music from The Lion King. Next was almost three hours of all the video taken. After about 45 minutes I had to get back to work. But for awhile I watched the show, and my mom watched some with me.

NOW BOTH OF US ARE DYING TO GO BACK!!

Watching the tape made me laugh. There are a few things that haven't changed.

1. my sister still eats watermelon out of the bowl its served in when she thinks no one is looking.

2. my dad still talks with his hands.

3. uncle dave is still in love with the wrong NFL football team.

4. aunt linda still avoids the camera.

5. uncle carl is still obsessed with golfing.

6. i still feel trapped inside a box when i wake up in the morning.

The Audience.

My mom said I shouldn't blog about this.

But I think its funny.

You know in old sitcoms how theres always that audience in the background? The audience always laughs at the perfect time. The funny thing about sitcoms is that the characters don't necessarily laugh at funny situations... the audience does.

I was telling my family the other day that when we have funny experiences or say funny things, I wish we wouldn't laugh. They asked why and I told them that things are funnier when only the audience laughs. My sister looked at me like I'm crazy. Well you see, I have an audience in my head that laughs at perfect situations like the ones in sitcoms. When they laugh I feel like I'm on television. I like that feeling.

My mom thinks maybe I should see a psychotherapist.

* I PROMISE THAT THIS AUDIENCE OF MINE ISN'T A RESULT OF INSANITY. I MADE UP THE LAUGHTER BECAUSE IT MAKES THINGS FUNNIER TO ME. THEY DON'T HAVE FACES OR NAMES. THEY JUST LAUGH. ITS LIKE A SITCOM.*

FBI shot me in the eye..

Now I am so dead. Now I am so dead.

I am literally the ultimate pack rat. I never throw anything away. If you walk into my room there is useless stuff everywhere.

old birthday cards

empty shoe boxes

shopping bags from unique stores

a bunch of jewelry that I never wear

ribbons and bows

headbands

a plethora of pillows and stuffed animals

empty journals

souvenirs from all over the world

card games

empty cd cases

movies that I never put back after I watched them

puzzles

lotion that I don't use

empty picture frames

empty perfume bottles

a kerosene lamp

photo albums with no pictures in them

boxes of beads and string

instruction manuals from cameras or phones that I don't have anymore

binders and old papers from classes in high school

a piggy bank with only three pennies in it

old EFY notebooks

pens, pencils, highlighters, and scissors

a spoon

glow sticks that I'll probably never use

Now I'm not saying that all of this stuff needs to be thrown away. But I think I'm trapped in this illusion that perhaps maybe one day I'll need the old things I have. Like I'm ever going to pull out the notes from middle school or my old EFY notebooks and read them? WHEN DO I HAVE TIME?! The fact is, I don't have time. So today I've been going through my stuff and getting rid of the things I don't need. [Obviously I'm not throwing away everything on that list... I think I'll wash the spoon and keep it] As I've looked through old things I found a picture that brought memories rushing back to mind :)

me. hilary. lisa.

These are my two best friends from elementary school. This picture was taken July of 2000. We were 8 years old. At the time, Hilary went by her middle name. We called her Annie. She moved to Utah after fifth grade. After Annie left, Lisa and I weren't in the same sixth grade class. Then when middle school arrived we hardly talked. We were involved in different things. Eventually Lisa moved to Colorado. Hilary and I still keep in touch, but mostly the three of us have gone our separate ways. Looking at this picture reminds me of this short lived, yet AWESOME, friendship. I can't write about all the fun we had because it simply would take to long. But we had a great time together. We played all the time after school and on the weekends. Lisa was with me when I found out my little brother was born and when we discovered that I talk in my sleep. Hilary took swim lessons with me during the summer. Both of them helped me out when I slid into the freezing river during the winter. And everyday during the school year we played together at recess. We walked around with our arms linked for the allotted half hour time slot and sang a little song that we made up.

"FBI shot me in the eye. Now I am so dead. Now I am so dead.

FBI shot me to the moon. Now I am a loony toon. Now I am a loony toon."

We were peculiar, but we were best friends, and we had a great time.

I miss you Lisa and Hilary.

I'm proud to announce my sister's wedding.

Before you begin reading, click on this link. Let the music play while you experience this incredible journey with my family.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2ambJ3cFGE&feature=related

Last night I had a dream that my sister got married. It was literally the happiest dream I've ever had [perhaps with the exception of my Broadway debut as Glinda working alongside Idina Menzel and other members of the Glee cast].

But my other dreams are unimportant because it's Shandi's time to shine!

It was her wedding day. Her fiancé was extremely attractive. His name was Alex and he had blonde hair. I can't describe him, but I can see him so clearly in my mind. My sister was a lucky girl.

Her wedding dress was simple.

Just like this one except with a large gold bow around the waist.

She looked absolutely gorgeous. Her hair was curled and pulled up in a beautiful design on her head.

Her colors were lavender and gold. The bridesmaids [there were three of us] wore plain lavender dresses with the same gold bow around the waist.

They looked kind of like this except lavender.

However, like many brides, my sister went a little crazy on her wedding day. [And because all of my dreams have an aspect of insanity, this fits perfectly.] She made all of the bridesmaids take off our dresses because she HAD to fix them. She pulled out colored sharpies and proceeded to draw flowers, smiley faces, peace signs, and hearts on the dresses. We didn't complain because this was her day. Actually when we put the dresses back on they were perfect!

It was time to head to the wedding. Wherever the temple was, it was quite a drive to get there from the mansion that we all got ready at. We all piled into beautiful carriages. Shandi and Alex were in the first carriage and the bridesmaids and grooms men followed closely behind. Pulling up the rear was the families of the happy couple.

We rode through rolling hills to on our way. It was a beautiful sight.

I had never seen my sister so happy.

Then we hit land mines and we all exploded. Everything was in slow motion. People flying everywhere. There was a lot of color and we all were still happy about the day even though we were dying. There was no blood [of course because it was a dream].

There was music playing while we exploded. It was a beautiful sight.

I felt like we were in a movie.

Even though it ended in disaster, this was one of the happiest days of my life.

What if...?

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. There are so many things I'd change and do differently. Don't get me wrong, I don't by any means regret the life I've lived or resent myself for decisions I've made. But there are just things that weigh me down. Questions. How would things be different now if I made a different decision awhile ago? I shouldn't think like this. I shouldn't still be asking myself "what if.." Clearly what's done is done. The things of the past should stay in the past, and I should move on. But part of me will always wonder.

Would things be different if I never told you?

Would things be different if I apologized?

Would things be different if I hadn't given up?

Would things be different if I kept going?

I just have to tell myself to stop asking these questions. Most likely things would be different. I'm done asking stupid questions. I'm done worrying about the past. It's time to try my hardest to move forward and forget the questions that bring me down.

Goodbye questions that waste my time.

Hello new day:)

Showbusiness

I wish I was Idina Menzel

or Kristen Chenowith

or Alice Ripley.

I love theatre. Enough said.

Watching a production is awesome.

But being a part of one is EXHILARATING!!

The thrill of being on stage is beyond what I could ever explain.

I just love theatre:)

Reunition.

Every year, my summer swim team has a gathering at McDonalds to register for swim team. It was tonight. While there, my sister and I ate with our friend James. For awhile Shandi was M.I.A. so James and I had some MAJOR BONDING TIME! hahaha. He told me he was offended that he was never mentioned in my blog. I told him I was just glad that someone is reading it! I also said that I'd jump on that. Then our friend Carrie came. The three of us [plus James' sister and my sister] have been super good friends for the longest time, but we've all lost touch the past few years. However, after tonight things will be different:)

Basically we need to stay in touch now!!

ps. happy birthday Marie. I wish you were there tonight!

I would put a picture of us up here... but I can't find one. WHAT A TRAVESTY!